why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
