Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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