She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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