By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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