I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
