just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
