no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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