Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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