I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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