So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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