Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
