I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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