so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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