Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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