Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
