Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
