my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's never too late to be topless.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
