Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im holly from the hills drunk
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
then he tried to convert me to islam
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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