he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
