This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
time to smoke my breakfast
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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