somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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