Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
