If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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