i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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