I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
