$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
