my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
