hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
