Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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