I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
