I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
