I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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