I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
