I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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