I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
