I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
