Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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