im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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