I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
