I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
