So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
