True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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