did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
