we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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