Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
