she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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