so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
