I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
