smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
