I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
