he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
