that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
