I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
