I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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