i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
